17. OB (2015 - 2019)

In 2015 I became familiar with Stephen Reid from my encounters at a few lectures through The Psychedelic Society, at the time I was studying psychotherapy and was working as a mental health and arts facilitator.

In November 2016, I became aware of a job opening for a supervisor role for The Psychedelic Experience (PE) weekends in the Netherlands. I applied for the position in December 2016, as I believed I embodied the relevant experience; I was actively working on myself and resonated with the role. I also aligned with the holistic ethos that appeared to underpin The Psychedelic Society.

I received a response to my application for the role from Stephen, but due what I felt was poor communication from Stephen, it wasn’t until January 2017 a meeting was organised. I went to North London to meet Stephen in person to discuss the position. As I had applied for the position advertised through The Psychedelic Society website, I was confident that the meeting was an interview.

Stephen was late to the interview and I admit that I found that to be surprising for a recruiter, nevertheless I excused it as an honest mistake (as a neurodivergent person I am sympathetic to time management issues). During the meeting, we spoke a fair bit about the position, details included: wages, the location (Stephen shared photographs), the medicine, the therapeutic quality of the experience, legality and how often I would be working monthly.

I recall Stephen asking me about my relevant (psychedelic) experiences and I told him about my journey using psychedelics and pivotal experiences utilising set and setting. I discussed how I had been a support system for a friend who considered their substance use problematic and I revealed how in moments of distress I provided person-centred approaches to friends and strangers without distracting them from what they were experiencing.

I was also candid about my mental health, highlighting how psychedelics had assisted in tending to trauma and how my development was a sacred self-reflective care practice. I shared that I was an expressive psychotherapist in training. To which Stephen appeared interested and encouraged me to share my art with him. I emphasised my thoughts on harm-reduction and I conveyed the barriers I had faced in attempting to create a psychedelic society at my university.

I felt Stephens lack of hesitation in resolving my uni society quandary despite not asking for support on the matter. At a certain point during the meeting, Stephen randomly introduced a practitioner who I believe is part of the FTO inner circle, it was mentioned how this person was contributory to the PE weekends. The colleague confirmed the logistical details Stephen had mentioned, they then both spoke about an upcoming event (Ash Bardo), a facebook group to align with Find The Others (FTO).

Stephen emphasised that it would be a good opportunity to meet everyone involved in The Psychedelic Society and the affiliated PE weekends. Stephen insinuated that a collaboration was inevitable and there was scope for employment with the supervision position. I expressed to Stephen that I didn't use facebook but that I would consider the weekend event if it meant that I could pursue the job and get to know the associated folks.

The meeting felt fruitful and culminated in feelings of anticipation for the next stage of a rather unorthodox and casual interview process. I didn't hear back from Stephen for a few days, which I felt was remiss. Thus, I emailed to follow up on the job, shared my excitement about the prospect of collaborating, presented my artist’s website and thanked him for his ideas at the meeting.

I received a brief reply from Stephen that day saying: "Great to meet you too. I love your art! I mentioned quarterly gatherings that I'm often involved with... next one is over the Easter weekend. You can express your interest at http://huddl.tech/h/ash-bardo”.

Nothing pertaining to the job, just an open invitation to an event. I resolved that this was Stephens recruitment process and the event was an iteration of the PE weekends that I had applied to work for. The cost of securing this position and the lowest tier price was £75 (later raised to £85). Although I had limited financial resources - which I broached with Stephen a few times - I was still under the impression that the event was going to be within Europe and thought it was affordable for the location. I did feel it was indirectly discriminatory to expect and impose such an inaccessible expense and commitment on a potential employee.

The total cost of the event with consideration of food, ticket, accommodation (acquisition of tent for camping) and return transport was approximately £150. Nonetheless I signed up, reminding myself that it was a unique job opportunity and that if that if I didn’t go, I might not get the job.

In hindsight, I should have seen Stephens behaviour as a red flag, he was recruiting me for a job, yet he was inconsistent in his communications and ignored direct questions I had about the job whenever I followed up. I felt he displayed minimal integrity as a recruiter by inviting me to the event without demonstrating clearly what the terms were beyond attendance.

I was only guided by our conversation where he indicated that in order to obtain the job it would be advantageous if I integrated with the online community and at the event, it felt akin to cult initiations. I wish I had been more discerning and necessitated more honesty from Stephen. I felt his actions were detrimental to my professional growth, compounding prior and subsequent experiences where I was gaslighted, had opportunities rescinded with no reason and my work devalued. I don’t feel Stephens methods were revolutionary, they were typical of my experiences within male dominated workplaces and with employers who don’t seek to unlearn and dismantle systems of oppression.

I signed up to the portal in late February and made an instalment payment for the event. I discovered the co-creation workshop area and signed up for as many things as I felt comfortable volunteering for. Keen to express how I wanted to be a part of the community whilst respecting my own needs and prove that I was adaptable with such an unusual job and second interview.

During Feb/March 2017 many emails were exchanged between Stephen and I, in preparation for the event. In one email thread he replied thanking me for the ticket payment, noted the date of the event (13-17th April 2017), confirmed I needed my own tent and asked me to consider joining the Facebook group if I can bare it and signed the email with “xx” denoting two kisses. I felt this was a distinct shift from how we had been previously closing emails, I had kept things friendly but formal, I wanted the job - not Stephen.

But I also didn’t feel as if he had any rapport with me, as a recruiter or even as a peer. So again, I tolerated this contradictory, inappropriate and misleading behaviour. I believe this was an instance of Stephen blurring the lines between business and pleasure and not establishing or maintaining appropriate professional boundaries. I responded to his email saying that I wanted to make an effort to join the online community and shared some ideas I had for the job. I believe there was oblique coaxing by Stephen by continuing to advocate the use of the Facebook group, thus encouraging me to cross my personal boundaries.

I felt distorted by the offer of the job, everything felt like a prerequisite for the role. I closed the email saying how grateful I was to him and the society for such an opportunity and ended formally with “Best Wishes”. I felt his next reply to be curt and ignored everything I had said. Add him as a Facebook friend to be included in the secret Facebook group (FTO). Nonetheless, I was determined to forge a connection with Stephen to obtain the job, I replied asking him how his weekend was. Stephen wrote back saying he was doing well, had tripped the day before and had added me to the Facebook group. Still no mention of the job.

On 14th March 2017, I received a general email with housekeeping points for the event participants from Stephen. I hadn’t paid the final instalment so I replied apologising, saying I was struggling with limited funds, I had questions about the travel and said I was thinking about visiting a friend post event. After a string of emails, I explained that “as per our conservation” in January surrounding the legality and location of the PE weekends, I had surmised the event was in Europe, Stephen finally clarified the event was on an estate in Devon. He asked if the location would be a problem and I said no, however, I asked outright “Did i mishear you at all though? Will future retreats be outside of Amsterdam?”. Stephen never replied to this correspondence. We had one final email before the event tying up loose ends and again Stephen signed off with a kiss.

Over the course of the event weekend, a multitude of experiences left me feeling like Stephen and the FTO core facilitators had an enormous amount of privilege, weren’t authentic in their interactions and that the event was at best hedonistic, far from the healing retreat Stephen had spoken about. At worst, I observed:

• An overall a lack of diversity, accessibility and inclusivity (disproportionate amount of white men)

• White individuals co-opting and appropriating of indigenous rites, rituals and dress without acknowledging or paying homage to the lineage

• Exclusionary behaviour from the FTO inner circle (especially within the playroom, tranquility room and within workshops)

• Idolatry of the inner circle and Stephen

• Sexism/misogyny

• Destructive behaviour

• Spiritual elitism and bypassing

• Inadequate welfare spaces and a scant folk helping in those spaces

P’s testimony accurately depicts how I felt, what I witnessed and discussed with other event goers. The worship surrounding the organisation and Stephen meant that there was little conversation on bettering the conditions for the community. There was a distinctive feeling of an invisible hierarchy as opposed to a co-created utopia. A “core FTO clique” wielding social power in an exploitative manner. I periodically found solace and generosity in a few peoples company (none of which were core FTO).

I spent a lot of time contemplating in my tent due to the welfare room being undermined by folks on shift or by the lack of people showing up to shift. In one situation two core crew compromised the welfare space by allowing people to use substances and have sex when it was specifically agreed by community that those actions were not permitted in the welfare space. All the things I had signed up for, such as Kosmicare or to DJ were subject to disorganisation, ego or misogyny, I felt like participation was futile considering the disorganisation, lack of accessibility and support. I believe there is a modicum of compassion and guidance necessary when introducing someone to a community or new job and I didn’t feel adequately resourced for either.

Although Stephen is not directly responsible for the actions of others, he was instrumental in creating the gatherings and was responsible for inviting me. He neglected to formally introduce me to anyone or reasonably prepare me for the experience. I interacted with Stephen twice throughout the event:

1. Stephen briefly introduced me to someone who NB refers to as ‘F’, who he said ran the PE weekends. The overall feeling after this introduction was “don’t call us, we’ll call you”

2. Stephen motioned me over saying how happy he was to see me, loved my art and wanted to commission me to adorn future events with my work. I accepted his compliments, though personally, it was clear that he was intoxicated and unaware of what he was falsely promising.

During the event Stephen took psychedelics and looked unwell, I didn’t try to approach him as I didn’t feel equipped to hold space for him, consequently I mentioned to someone from the FTO inner circle that he needed attention and they agreed. Later, the same person came back to ask me if I had seen Stephen and I said I had just seen him meandering around the main property intoxicated and half nude.

After Ash Bardo, I messaged Stephen to congratulate him on his efforts, I said it was a difficult experience for me as I felt unwell but overall it was an illuminating event with some generous and like hearted people. I said I was still interested in pursuing the PE weekends position. I didn’t feel I knew Stephen well enough to address the issues I had surrounding the culture of the event, I felt inferior and this was reinforced when Stephen replied saying: “We aren't currently recruiting facilitators for the Experience Weekends but I'll let you know if that changes”.

I answered Stephen saying that I was disappointed that he wasn’t currently recruiting as “I came to Ash Bardo under the pretence that there would be a position available as a facilitator. It’s a shame that there has been a miscommunication, as I may of reconsidered coming as money was stretched for me at this time, however, I hope that you do consider me if an opportunity arises.” This was my last exchange with Stephen during 2017 and although I would read his newsletter, he never contacted me again to alert me to vacancies for facilitators. I was crestfallen, this job meant everything to me, I exerted so much labour and expense to secure it and I was too fearful to engage in any further direct and honest discourse. I couldn’t afford to extol more energy trying to ascertain why, I had to let it go so I could return to studying and looking for a similar job elsewhere.

In 2018 I bumped into someone from Ash Bardo and they told me that Stephen and the organisation atmosphere had not altered much. They relayed numerous incidents corroborating many of the testimonies given on this site and from the conversations had at Ash Bardo, specifically affirming my suspicions exemplified in NB’s testimony: “Approaching, prioritising, and rewarding sexually available 'conventionally pretty' and younger women/assigned female/male at birth people to work with him”.

In 2019, I met another person from Ash Bardo who explained to me that they were working as a facilitator for a subsidiary psychedelic retreat of The Psychedelic Society. I believe the person went onto complain about their treatment while working for Alalaho and called out the directors harmful conduct on the FTO Facebook group. According to the Alalaho website, the European PE weekends were rebranded as Alalaho, co-directed by Stefana Bosse someone who I have been told, was an intimate partner of Stephen Reid.

I didn’t feel like Stephen was trying to build a relationship with me with the view to employ me, it felt performative, perhaps a way to populate and profit from FTO and his events. It felt as if he had no intention of giving me the job and instead of just communicating in compatibility, he feigned enthusiasm for me until I was a paying member of an FTO gathering. Needless to say I am grateful I did not get involved working in any capacity with Stephen Reid or The Psychedelic Society. No one should have to perform to such extents to be eligible for a job, especially for a job advertised by a society devoted to changing and challenging capitalist driven drug legislation (amongst other social justice causes).

Where the founder’s lexicon includes “decentralised” and where alternative philosophies are embraced. I presumed Stephen wouldn’t have wanted to perpetuate entrenched binary systems of power, especially as a white cis man and white cis male employer. In my opinion, Stephen’s leadership has been glorified to hero status, creating a toxic enabling whereby his empowerment has lead to manipulation, harm and abuse others. Subverting his right to be flawed, make mistakes and grow. These aren’t generative or healthy qualities in a potential leader, boss or recruiter who is modelling the epitome of woke or enlightened and has the faculty to understand their power and privilege.

To tokenise and exploit anyone who may have experienced oppression or sidelining someone attempting to pursue a career and/or their purpose, is antithetical to conscious organisation but is a trope for reason. I believe that my unwillingness to inflate said ego’s or become sexually involved with Stephen and or anyone associated with the core clique resulted in being ostracised. Movements need to become the practice ground for co-creating what we are healing towards.

If we are in the small percentage of humans trying to change the world, those involved in founding and leading any form of healing, spiritual, therapeutic and/or psychedelic ‘conscious’ enterprises; we have ethical obligations to peers, clients and employees etc (which transmutes into harm reduction for all) to practice transformative justice. Starting with addressing the need to hold each other and ourselves accountable, especially as labour is often expended by queer, disabled & BAME. In my opinion it should not be upon the shoulders of marginalised folks to be the ones to do this.

This is not the first instance of an organisational culture with white cisgender men at the top that didn’t understand how deeply mental health struggles interconnect with many forms of oppression and that nepotism can be harmful or abusive. The result tends to be an oppressive culture that harms people of colour, women and femmes, LGBTQIA+ and other marginalised folks. When there are attempts to develop internal accountability processes, however, white folks who sit firmly by the people accused of causing harm often disrupt and derail the process and results in retaliation against the same women, femmes, and/or people of colour spearheading these efforts.

It is clear for those organisations, as it is in my opinion, with The Psychedelic Society and other fringe FTO businesses that in order to stop and heal these harms, we have to transition away from white cis men leadership. This is achieved through questioning, listening and action alongside putting disabled people, black folks, people of colour, immigrants and queer and trans folks and their needs firmly at the core of our leadership, programming and partnerships. Those harmed should be able to name what caused hurt, where the conflict or abuse is, what is needed; people receiving an authentic apology; people getting to commit to paths of unlearning harmful belief systems and behaviours. Clear naming of harm; education around intention, impact, and pattern breaking; satisfying apologies and consequences; new agreements and trustworthy boundaries; and lifelong healing resources for all involved. This generates healing. I have seen the convoluted, denial-accountability-nonapology message from accused harm doers, especially when physical or sexual harm is involved. Thus, I share this testimony not to shame or humiliate Stephen.

In the wake of misunderstandings, contradictions, conflicts I affirm and believe that the facts expressed in this witness statement are true.

OB