2. K (2010-2018)

I first met Steve in June 2010 at the Transition Towns Network conference in Devon. We quickly became friends. Steve encouraged me to quit my job (which I didn’t like) and leave my house-share (which I didn’t like) and offered me a space to stay. About a month later I quit my job and house-share and moved temporarily in with Steve. These changes were pivotal in the direction of my life. I felt thankful for encountering Steve and was inspired by his intellect and pragmatism. 

Over the next few years I counted Steve as a close friend and lived with him in three different houses in London. I got involved in UK Uncut alongside Steve. I also introduced him to my line manager at the New Economic Foundation (NEF) where I had been doing an internship. Following this introduction Steve went on to work at NEF, where he helped set up NEON. I was the main character witness for Steve when he faced trial for aggravated trespass as part of a UK Uncut protest in 2011. I write the following statement from a place of care for Steve and all those who have been, or are influenced by him. I also write from the experience of living and socialising with Steve for more than half a decade, between 2010-2016. 

My concerns about Steve and the communities built around his informal and formal leadership began to surface around 2015/2016 whilst I was living with him. During this time, Steve was expanding the Psychedelic Society, and my concerns grew about whether he was acting with integrity, accountability and compassion.

Whilst at the pilot Psychedelic Experience weekend in the Netherlands I heard that Steve, who was facilitating the weekend, had sex with one of the participants directly after she had tripped. Whilst I understood that the sex was consensual, it struck me that for a facilitator to sleep with a participant who had just gone through a very vulnerable experience, was crossing a line. 

With regard to psychedelic drugs, I observed Steve giving out psychedelics frequently in our shared house and at parties. It seemed to me that he liked to draw others into his explorations of intense psychedelic experiences. Over the years of 2015 and 2016 I observed several people who had taken drugs from him experience traumatic trips. On these occasions I observed that Steve showed little care or concern for their safety. (4, 5)

At numerous large weekend house parties (approximately 150 people at each) that Steve informally led on organising (e.g. Jurassica, Purbeck), I observed a lack of understanding of privilege and abuses of power. I observed that the desires of a few privileged people (Steve included) were prioritised over the needs and wellbeing of many others at these parties.

I had many conversations with a variety of people within these spaces over the years of 2015-2017. A lot of people felt that the subculture of these parties could be oppressive, with a lot of peer pressure to take drugs and appear sexually liberated. Some people had tried to raise their concerns and felt they had not been listened to by informal leaders such as Steve. Overall I observed that there was little acknowledgment, compassion or action taken by Steve and the inner circle of mostly white Oxbridge educated men around him, about the concerns raised. The contrast between the stated principles of these spaces and the behaviour within them felt deeply hypocritical. 

Over a period of months, I tried to have conversations about these issues with Steve, who founded the FTO community and was instrumental in making the parties happen. I raised questions about the integrity of his behaviour and leadership and its impact on himself and the wider community. I know that others were also raising concerns with him. For example, I was one of a group of six of Steve’s housemates who met to discuss an intervention with Steve. Two housemates from this group went on to meet with Steve to talk with him about their concerns over his wellbeing, his behaviour and its effect on others. Steve left the house shortly after this. (4, 5) 

It struck me that Steve seemed indifferent to the concerns raised. It appeared he didn’t want to give them time. I felt no real concern from him about what I and others had shared. Steve’s apparent lack of responsibility or care for the wellbeing of others who were struggling, deeply unsettled me. 

In late 2016 Steve and a couple of others organised another big party of about 100 people in Cornwall [The Treguddick Rites]. This was the first gathering that Steve had led on organising, that I had not been invited to. I suspected that I had been left out because I had started to challenge his behaviour and leadership. I reached out to Steve to ask for an invitation and was rebuffed with the explanation that there wasn’t space for me, and that the event in question was not “officially” an FTO event. I found this reasoning to be disingenuous and lacked accountability for his own part in it, and communicated this to him. I raised my suspicion that I had been deliberately left out, because I had raised concerns over his behaviour and leadership. Steve was initially dismissive, but we eventually agreed to a mediation. During our online communications setting it up, Steve pressured me to meet him alone and sort out our issues privately. I felt unsafe to do this. It appeared to me to be a manipulative step. One that I recognised from previous behaviour. I decided I needed to set boundaries for myself and decided only to meet and communicate with Steve with others present. The mediation took place in December 2016, with a neutral facilitator and 3 witnesses present. (13)

I came away from the mediation feeling shocked, angry and sad. It was clear to me that my trust in Steve was broken. I chose to distance myself from him and the circles around him, and have rarely seen him since. 

From 2010-2016 I counted Steve as one of my good friends and shared many formative experiences with him. In many ways I found him an inspiring person to be around. However when I look back on that time I also recognise that he didn’t show much care for me or others when we were feeling at our weakest or most vulnerable. I realise that I often felt insecure around him. I also observed that a lot of others also reported feeling a pressure to impress him in some way. I observed that Steve can come across as a very intellectually intelligent person, and is capable of drawing people close to him quickly. 

Over the six years I was in similar circles with Steve in London, I observed that he can quickly drop relationships with people who challenge him, or no longer offer him something he wants. Similarly I have observed Steve leave groups or networks where his leadership is being challenged e.g. UK Uncut or Find The Others. In this pattern of removal and avoidance, I infer that Steve evades taking responsibility for his behaviour and its impact on people. 

Through continually setting up new projects, new people that Steve works and socialises with don’t get the history of his previous patterns. It strikes me that there is a ‘tyranny of structurelessness’ around Steve that lacks accountability. It ends up favouring himself and those with privilege and social, economic and intellectual capital, and freezing out those who challenge its oppressive nature. 

From experience I can share that challenging Steve and the informal inner circles around him can be a very upsetting, disorientating and isolating experience. My heart goes out to anyone who is/has gone through this. You are not alone. We are connected in a bigger pattern of abuses of power. 

I am writing this from a place of vulnerability, sadness, anger, compassion and hope. I see hope in people who have been hurt by oppressive behaviour breaking the silence, expressing themselves, and feeling solidarity with others. I see hope in building more transparency and more accountability. I see hope in Steve reading this, working through the feelings and thoughts that come up and taking responsible action that benefits those who are vulnerable around him, as well as himself. I know that myself and others have tried to engage with Steve on these issues directly. In the time that I was involved in this in 2015/2016, it didn’t appear that Steve was serious about taking ongoing responsibility for the consequences of his behaviour on others. Instead it seemed that Steve kept following the pattern of leaving relationships/groups/communities that challenged him. 

I am sharing this publicly, so that we can all learn and grow. I think it is in everyone’s interests, including Steve’s, to deal with this information and work towards treating all humans with compassion, and harm reduction. I believe that all humans are capable of doing good as well as harm. I believe that accountability helps to raise our individual and collective standards of human behaviour.

K (2010-2018)

3. CC (2011-2018)

I met Steve through a mutual friendship group around 2011. We became friends although were not particularly close e.g. I would be glad to see him at parties and we would chat/catch up but I can only remember meeting up 1:1 on one occasion.

We drifted apart as his recreational activities (and day to day life) became increasingly centred around drugs. His social life became increasingly oriented around new group(s) of people who were largely aligned with his relationship to drugs and sex, while my social life largely remained centred around our original mutual friends.

I consciously distanced myself from Steve after several incidents, including:

• His having had sex with a participant while facilitating a psychedelic experience [Psychedelic Experience Weekend, October 2014] which I believe was inherently inappropriate. I heard him confirm this happened although he stated he did not believe it to be problematic. (2)

• There were many troubling incidents (as detailed in the statement) at FTO events. I was involved in attempts to deal with the underlying culture giving rise to them and attempts to put in place procedures to remedy them. During this I witnessed Steve's denial of the power he holds within the Find the Others community and therefore the responsibility that comes with power (2015 onwards). He is undoubtedly a leader – people turn to him with questions, desire his attention, he is a decisionmaker e.g. about when/where to hold an event, convenor e.g. he would conceive of events, and underwrote expenditure. He has stated that he is not a leader and anyone is free to convene events etc. I found this lack of understanding of the nature of power very troubling. His lack of accountability hampered efforts to address these problems. Without acceptance that there is a problem or need for accountability, there could never be remorse or willingness to change.

• Steve’s affect was also a barrier to resolution. I experienced him as disconnected from those around him, while performing connectivity.

We were not so close that I felt it necessary to explicitly end our friendship. I would now no longer consider us friends, invite him to events or vouch for him if asked. I stopped going to Find the Others events because I felt more widely uncomfortable about their culture.

I remain concerned for Steve personally and for the impacts his behaviour continues to have.

CC (2011-2018)

11. P (2015-present)

I have been involved in Find the Others from near the genesis of the group, around October 2015. I have been to a number of weekend parties, and met Steve through these. I can only offer an account of my impressions and have not had many direct interactions with Steve. Find the Others offered me an opportunity to connect with many incredible people and transformed my life and social circle in London.

Initially I was a little in awe of those who facilitated FTO parties and events (including Steve), I am still grateful for their labour. I did also feel quite peripheral to the group. I remember the great deal of stress and distress caused by the application system for attending weekend parties. Masquerading as an open way of seeking people who would fit the ethos, this was actually just a popularity contest which triggered deep anxieties in many would-be attendees.

I felt that there was a clique at the core of FTO, I articulated this in conversations with others who felt similarly. There was a clear unspoken hierarchy within events which purported to be non-hierarchical. I observed that some people in this core used their social status and aura within FTO to pursue sexual intimacy, particularly with people who were new or naïve to the group, or to drugs. Some also used FTO as a platform for their egos. Those who did not facilitate either of these aims, or had served their purpose, were sometimes sidelined.

I later became aware that some people had become quite hurt by the actions of others in the group, particularly in sexual and intimate interactions. A number of people felt used, friends were being warned and sharing warnings about the conduct of some in FTO.

Some tried to raise awareness of diversity, power and privilege within the group, but this never seemed to be well supported. The behaviour standards exhibited by a few key people always seemed to fall short of the words and values by which they spoke.

I offer this testimony primarily to support those who have been directly harmed by the actions of Steve or others through FTO. To create the impression of an ecosystem which tolerated or even facilitated harmful acts and did not care enough for those harmed. I do not hold grudges against any individuals, but hope that we can learn to create better spaces in the future. 

P (2015-present)

12. JM (2016)

I was invited to The Rewylding event in 2016 by a close friend. My first encounter with Steve was almost as soon as I arrived. He approached me and asked "Are you [JM]?" I was struck by how the approach didn't feel friendly, it had a strong networking vibe to it and knowing what I know now I see that my assessment of the moment was probably correct. My close relationship with the friend who invited me had marked me as someone who was potentially useful. It also felt like a power move, letting me know he knows who everyone is. My experience of that weekend was mixed although overall positive. I had several conversations with people who felt pressured by the environment to push themselves beyond their boundaries, take strong drugs they were unfamiliar with and be sexually available. I also met a lot of incredible people, most of whom have since walked away from Steve and FTO due to issues with his behaviour and the culture he has created.

I also attended the Treguddick NYE gathering. I felt Steve continuing to court me over this weekend and much of his behaviour left me feeling that I didn’t trust him. I later learned that he had sexually assaulted a friend during the gathering (9, 10).  After Treguddick concerns were raised about the cliquey, borderline cultish community culture and the way in which the events are organised. As part of the response to this, myself and two others put together a safer spaces policy to be potentially used at future events. The response from the wider community was unreceptive and at times hostile. At one point Steve tried to replace our draft policy with something of his own creation. Another friend told me that Steve had messaged them questioning the power and privilege workshop they were planning for an upcoming event, ultimately scheduling a more “fun” workshop of his own at the same time.

Steve's response to concerns about the invitation process and who gets to come and who doesn’t was to make an app that in my opinion was a popularity contest where you had to pitch yourself as a worthy member of the group and then have the pre-existing clique vote for you. I was astonished that he could present this as a solution to the issues being raised with a straight face and was very critical of the app. I was also quite vocal about how badly and unethically he handled a conflict surrounding someone being blocked from attending an event, after which several people no longer felt safe to attend. After this I found myself out of the loop and slowly realised that I was no longer being invited to FTO events.

I've had several people disclose to me unpleasant experiences with Steve, his inner circle, and had countless conversations about how suspect the community culture of FTO is. While I personally have not experienced anything particularly damaging in these spaces, many close to me have, and I have witnessed enough to believe everyone’s stories.

JM (2016)

13. SF (2013-2017)

I first met Steve in 2013 at a social for the New Economy Organiser’s Network (NEON), who employed him. I admired him as a dynamic political organiser and talented coder. When he established the Psychedelic Society in 2014 I went to the launch and was impressed by his vision, which matched my own dream of a society that values connection, co-operation, and wonder. At the end of 2015 I was excited when he invited me to an extended New Year’s Burner-style party in Dorset, the Purbeck New Year Happening, as it seemed to be a gathering where those values could be lived out. I was unsure about whether it would be a welcoming environment for my friends, though, due to the emphasis on taking psychedelics. I felt honoured when Steve met up with me to talk about it, reassuring me that we would have nothing to fear.

I had an exceptional time at Purbeck, and on the final night I felt huge love for everyone at the event, the co-creation ethos, and Steve, for making it happen. In the morning, however, one of my friends, A. – who has given his blessing for me to share this account – was shaking, distressed, and inconsolable. High on psychedelics, he and a friend had tried to go to bed, but found that the beds were occupied. After staying up all night, A. was experiencing paranoid hallucinations. He repeatedly apologised for ruining the event for everyone, and ruining it for Steve. My partner went to get Steve to reassure him. Steve came and seemed calm, but after a few minutes he excused himself to take part in the closing circle outside. I actually felt guilty for keeping him ‘away from’ his spectacular event, and given A.’s state of mind, I am sure he did too. With hindsight it was completely bizarre. Steve did not show concern for my friend’s wellbeing, then or at any point. 

There was no recourse to any mental health expertise at the event, and none was offered. I thought I could help my friend by hugging him, reassuring him and changing our setting. I took him to join the closing circle, though he could barely stand for shivering. I remember thinking it VERY IMPORTANT that we be there. I now feel that I was normalising what was clearly a traumatic psychological episode for my friend, who tried to apologise to the circle of 120 people for ruining the event. When the circle closed there was a group photo. After that, my partner and I couldn’t find A. anywhere. I feared he was suicidal, and that he’d gone to harm himself. We found him, but things felt that bad. A. went home with a friend, and we were relieved he was not alone. However, the next day his housemate called my partner to say that A. had been experiencing paranoid hallucinations since returning, and was still highly disturbed. (14)

Weeks later I was told by a friend that a man had raped a woman at Purbeck. This was a shattering thing to learn and put my own experiences at the event in a harsh new light. The incident was later described by the victim to have been a sexual assault. Either way, despite information about consent circulated via email before the event, when a major incident did occur, no attendee heard anything about it from the organisers. 

Immediately after the serious assault, it had been unclear who committed it. Steve called A. the day after Purbeck to question him about whether he raped someone. A. was still experiencing hallucinations and paranoia, but was clear with Steve about not being involved. When the actual perpetrator was identified, they were quietly banned from future events. Nothing was said to attendees via the event channels, for the sake of the survivor - though I now feel it also suited Steve to avoid accountability around the boundary-pushing approach to consent, intoxicants, and mental wellbeing at events he instigated, co-organised, and provided infrastructure for. Steve’s call was his sole contact with A. after the event; he did not update him about what happened after that, or check in with him to see how he was doing. A. did not return to FTO spaces.

I remained close with friends involved in FTO, and listened to their accounts of incidents at Anderida and the 2016 Nowhere festival. I began to feel that worrying patterns were emerging in the community. I then felt that I was being too much a critic, and decided to be constructive. I went to the next event, The Rewylding, and, among other things, co-delivered a power and privilege workshop which explored intersections of sexism, racism, class and ableism. Steve was supportive of the workshop in the run up to the gathering. On the morning it was due to take place, I went into the communal kitchen and found Steve and one of the co-facilitators kissing. She had had an on-off relationship with Steve, and had become critical of the power and gender dynamics of his events, so this surprised me a little and I wondered if he had launched a charm offensive with her. It was only a small thing, but I remembered it when similar situations began to crop up later on.

The workshop was well-attended, but I noticed a divide between people who had experienced oppression in Burner communities and elsewhere, and those who were aggrieved when this was discussed. I observed that the few people of colour there were invited to take visible roles, but their contributions were in some cases deprioritised or criticised. At the event more generally, the culturally appropriative decor and clothing felt very heightened given that we were all taking psychedelics and the majority of participants were white and ambivalent about the presence and influence of actual people of colour. I left the gathering feeling unhappy and frustrated about the racial dynamics of the community. (14, 15)

In December Steve proposed a mediation with my friend K (2) to address her concerns about exclusion and sexism at gatherings. On December 19 I went as her support. Steve's behaviour at the mediation struck me as manipulative: he stated his adherence to Buddhist principles of benevolence and goodwill, then smilingly insulted K’s character. When she spoke she began to cry, and he dropped to his knees to kiss her hand and press it to his face, which seemed strange given the very analytical and cruel things he had just said about her. His behaviour throughout was performative in a way that caused me to lose faith in him. When I raised concerns about my friend’s experience at Purbeck, his response was to assure me that in future there would be an application process to filter out people with mental health issues. He did not seem phased by the incident of sexual assault, which I also raised. 

Since speaking with LB, I have realised that Steve’s behaviour at the Treguddick party happened just two weeks after this mediation. I find this fact deeply disturbing. (9, 10)

Steve’s long-term response to the exclusivity issue was to code an app where potential party-goers had to pitch themselves, and win votes, in order to go. After the mediation, I suggested to him that seeking therapy may give him space to work through his own experiences, and his response was to apply to a psychotherapy qualification course at the University of East London. This suggested to me that he preferred to work towards being in a position of authority over others. (The UEL application did not come to fruition, but he has continued to seek psychotherapeutic qualifications. According to his website he took a psychotherapy training course at the Karuna Institute in 2020.)

Notes from the mediation were shared with some FTO members after the meeting via a private Facebook group. One well-received post from an influential FTO member variously described the concerns that K and I raised as ‘a bitter shade’, ‘a nasty guest’ and ‘parasitic energy’. When I spoke to other influential FTO people in person, they lacked curiosity about why many women have issues with Steve and his events, and implied that unless I could throw parties as spectacular as Steve’s, I should leave things alone. Only loving, compassionate feelings appeared to be valid. This struck me as repressive and ultimately dishonest.

The final FTO gathering I went to was not co-organised by Steve, but the person who used the above ‘parasite’ phrasing. Looking back, I think I was hoping to prove to myself and others that I was none of the things quoted above. The event, Howling Earth, happened in January 2017. Though I felt tense there, my friends and I had a nice, gentle time. On the last morning I learnt that someone with a history of fragile mental health had gone missing overnight after having an adverse reaction to hallucinogens. The missing woman was thankfully found, but had to be sectioned for her own safety. Later that day another participant who’d been showing signs of severe mental deterioration became threatening to others. She was sectioned too. 

In February 2017 three ex-FTO friends and I drafted a detailed Safer Spaces policy for future events, but it drew little support from key event organisers. I began to feel that FTO was dangerous and culty, and withdrew from those still involved. The groupthink, gaslighting and minimisation of harm was affecting my mental health. I was second-guessing my perceptions, identity and instincts. This continued even after I stepped away, and sometimes still affects me, despite having had therapy.

I did know I was not alone in being disturbed by this culture. Over time I met many women and nonbinary people who attended the gatherings and struggled with how men treated them there. I know of women experiencing unwanted caresses, being pressured into sex, being pressured into unprotected sex, experiencing a traumatic orgy scenario, and sexual assault. When #MeToo happened, several posts on my Facebook timeline related to men involved in FTO. 

In 2019, LB joined my workplace, and I recognised her/them from FTO. We spoke of it, cautiously at first. When we did share more openly, we were both relieved to find we agreed there was something very wrong going on. That was when LB told me what they have disclosed in their testimony, which is that Steve initiated non-consensual sex with them at the aforementioned 2016 NYE gathering, the Treguddick Rites, and that they have physically dreaded encountering him ever since. (9, 10)

When people discuss abuses of any kind within FTO, they are accused of lacking compassion or being repressive; pressured into deleting social media posts; or manipulated into private mediations that protect the person who requests them. Harms done are deemed to have been consensual, even though the whisper network and various workshops, online discussions, safety policies, and mediations suggest otherwise.

My hope is that this testimony and others can eventually prompt new connections, new understandings, and new opportunities to heal, for everyone involved.

 SF (2013-2017)

14. AP (2015-2017)

I became involved in Find The Others through the Purbeck NYE gathering in 2016. That gathering and others since have brought me much joy and lasting memories and I must acknowledge those. It began for me as a search for an alternate approach to community and society. Initially I was heartened to discover an open and supportive community allowing me to experiment with psychedelics and experience the joy of communal gatherings and share liberal political discussion. I was treated to some eye opening workshops, great parties and incredible performances/cabarets. 

However I retreated from being actively present within the group in 2017, having been left with a distinct feeling of emptiness at the lack of care and solidarity by the groups leaders and a lack of belief in the groups ultimate goals.

My own personal experiences and reasons for this are as follows (in no order of severity or chronology).

• After Purbeck, a close friend who suffered a psychedelic-induced psychotic episode was left without any aftercare or support. They were then made into a scapegoat / potential culprit for a sexual assault that had also taken place at that gathering. This was done without any real methodical process other than they had suffered an episode and people seemed to want someone to blame in order to preserve the “utopian dream”. I learned of these events long after they happened and it left me feeling very let down. I then witnessed this lack of pastoral care for people having a bad time on drugs continue at other gatherings and fringe events like Howling Wolf. (13)

• As a person of colour within the group I have felt repeatedly singled out or ‘approached’ for my value as a commodity when it came to guest lists and participation and discussion. (13, 15)

• I have also had to have multiple discussions with members about a flagrant disregard for Eastern ideologies and appropriation of Eastern religious practices and symbology that seems to benefit the inherent spiritual whiteness of the group but doesn’t take into consideration its effect on the cultures these have been appropriated from. (13)

• I find the group’s systemic silencing through inaction of POC, women and other minorities dangerous and deeply disturbing in that it seems to be in the defence of white middle class hedonism rather than in an effort to create a “better world”.

Furthermore, although I have never experienced any sexual assault or persecution by the groups leaders (primarily Stephen Reid) I have experienced other “behaviours” by these leaders and been made aware of other issues by my friends and my partner and stand in solidarity with those who it has affected.

I’ve had lots of negative experiences with some of these leaders and in the case of Stephen Reid, I find his behaviour disturbing and dangerous as he has an uncanny ability to create a cult of personality and then leave much destruction in his wake. I feel there are psychopathic elements to his personality. I use this word in a clinical sense to explain very specific calculated behaviour towards those he views as a threat and a lack of empathy towards those he claims to be “leading”.

I worry about what his influence is capable of when unchecked and unchallenged and I worry about who else might become a victim of his behaviours, namely younger women and those suffering from depression or feeling a sense of loss, who might be exploited by the seemingly “free of rules” culture he and his colleagues in FTO and other affiliated groups perpetuates.

 AP (2015-2017)

15. XA (2016)

I got involved in the Find The Others and the Psychedelic Society in 2016. I met Stephen Reid for the first time at a residential gathering called Anderida. I was in a vulnerable place having just moved back to the UK from the USA, where I had been married and planning to live for the foreseeable future. I was heartbroken, disoriented and seeking community in England – FTO provided that for a time.

Stephen seemed to quickly take a liking to me or see me as someone who could be useful. I was showered with interest, work opportunities and connections to powerful people in his network. He also seemed keen for me to invite my friends into the community and to take more of a leadership role over future gatherings and the development of the Psychedelic Society.

Steve is charismatic and able to achieve a lot with the resources at his disposal. I felt flattered to be receiving so much attention from him but also slightly suspicious. I wondered why he was so interested in me and suspected that I might be being groomed for some unknown purpose or at the very least, manipulated.

I noticed that a select group of people were also receiving the same treatment by Steve – work, power and opportunities – but when these people stopped behaving in the ways he wanted, they were often cut off and excluded from the community without explanation. (7) Despite my reservations, I decided to stay involved and proceed with caution. The gatherings were a source of joy for me at the time and I was meeting some wonderful people. 

About a year into my involvement, it was clear I was being used as a token person of colour, to make the community seem more progressive. This took shape in many ways but the most obvious was being asked to be a director of the Psychedelic Society ‘in principle’, in order to access some funding that could only be allocated to POC-run projects. At various gatherings, interventions around power and privilege were introduced by other participants but these were shut down or rarely engaged with in a meaningful way. (13, 14)

It became clear that there was a desire to present the space as aware and safe, but in practice little work was done to make this happen, or even adhere to policies that had been agreed upon. Many men were able to transgress boundaries without consequence, due to their power or status within the community. 

When incidents or concerns about Stephen’s behaviour arose, accountability processes were shut down and the people who instigated them were often demonised or pressured into having private mediated sessions rather than public transparency. Speaking out was often met with gaslighting and the insistence that the community is a ‘safe space’, or the people naming concerns had personal vendettas rather than legitimate concerns. (2, 13)

I started removing myself from the gatherings when I witnessed harmful behaviour taking place and the deep lack of care in response to this. I witnessed moments of unconsensual sexual touch and heard of others from trusted sources. 

When I realised that some of my friends had entered the community due to my presence there, and been harmed, I realised that I could no longer associate myself with the community. I stopped going to gatherings and I severed relationships with most people I had met in the space. There are a lot of lovely people but the community can be characterised by a deep complacency over harmful behaviour because ‘most people are so nice’.

I noticed that it took years to fully extricate myself because there is a deep groupthink in the community and dynamics that could be described as cult-like. Most of the harm that has taken place has been shared along a whisper network, which demonstrates the difficulty in achieving accountability and the fear that many people experience when considering speaking out. I feel I am a fairly strong-willed person so I am aware that others who may be in a more vulnerable place, may not be able to advocate for themselves.

I want to be clear that this is much bigger than one person. Stephen may be in a leadership role but there are many other people that have enabled harmful dynamics to reproduce in that space over the years. To me it is a group culture that needs to be addressed, rather than one person alone. 

Despite all this, my relationship with Stephen has been tinged with hopefulness at times. Hope that he really does care about others, that he does want to create positive change, that he may actually care about addressing oppression... This is what kept me in limited communication with him over the years, since pulling away. However, my hope does not prevent me from seeing the harm that has taken place and the need to address it in a transparent way which promotes healing for those involved, and prevents more from falling prey to these dynamics. 

X.A (2016)